Last week was my 18th birthday. And while my family and friends went to extraordinary lengths to make it a special day, it still felt pretty weird. Last weekend I was horribly homesick. A downside of going to a school right next to one of the most amazing cities in the world is that the students fly to it like moths to a flame on the weekends, leaving campus feeling a bit lonely. I had not planned ahead to make plans with friends, and I longed to be home in the familiar. On the bright side I still had the week of celebration ahead to look forward too. On Tuesday night I went over to my friends apartment and baked cookies with some friends. We baked over 60 cookies for me to share in my wednesday and thursday classes. The simple act of baking made me a little less homesick, and it was nice to bring a piece of home to my new friends. In between batches we stole down to the television common room in the building to watch The Mindy Project and New Girl. To our delight, the room was empty and it was lovely to cozy up and enjoy watching live cable TV.
At midnight on September 24th I called my mom, and we had a lovely conversation about how proud she was of me, etc, etc, etc. I went to bed and woke up, an adult? I honestly don't feel any different, but it was exciting all the same. I still had some presents to open and some packages to pick up from the post office. To my surprise and delight, some of my new friends had some little surprises up their sleeves as well. My mom had mailed me one of our traditional cookie cakes to share with my floor, so I invited all the girls on my floor and some of my friends to come over and enjoy it with me. I refused to let them sing happy birthday (it is one of my least favorite things in the world to be sung too), but I had a blast just enjoying everyone's company.
This week was a bundle of contradictions. I am supposed to be an adult, but I still call my mom 2-3 times a day, even just for a few minutes while I walk to lunch. I am supposed to be settling in, but this week I was packing up and sleeping on my friends floor. Unfortunately I have had some roommate troubles that are still being resolved, but pretty soon I will be switching rooms for a better situation for all involved. So it was sort of like being in limbo. Between teenager and adult. Homesick or at home. Happy or sad.
This week I am really looking forward to auditions for the women's shakespeare company, my first production meeting for the halloween show I am helping with props for, and my second adventure into the city to see a play with my Theater Outreach class about The Trail of Tears. Tomorrow is the first meeting of the UU Group on campus, so hopefully I can establish some UU community for myself here.
I miss home. I miss my cat, and my bed. I miss midnight nachos and tv marathons with my mom. I miss car ride chats with my dad. I miss the way the lake looks early in the morning, and the way the sun sets over the west side of town. I miss the lurch of my elevator as it stops on my floor. I miss apple cider and having a dishwasher. I miss the familiarity of MHS and my friends there. I miss knowing all the faces when I go to school everyday. I miss home cooked meals, and working at the gelato shop.
But I love meals with friends, and laughter over new inside jokes. I am slowly growing to love the long hike up the hill from the dining hall. I love the excitement of getting mail, and buying things like dish soap, which I never bought before. I love doing my own laundry, and not screwing it up. I love creating community in new places. I love the tudor revival buildings, leafy trees and rocks and cliffs that jut out, to make this campus seem like Hogwarts. I love espresso and tea in the Tea Haus, the little coffee shop that looks like Hagrid's hut. I love the feeling of accomplishment when you kick butt in a difficult improv in acting class.
I miss home. But I love my new home too.
I am in limbo. And I think I kinda like it.
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