About Little, and a quick summer recap!

I was unable to bring myself to write about my summer until very recently. Or approach the subject of my grandmothers death in a way that was more profound than a few Facebook posts. 

My beloved Grandmother Carolyn (Vernon) Allbritain passed away on July 22nd. The whole ordeal was very scary, sad and frustrating. She was in Hospice for the last 11 days of her life, and the staff there did an amazing job taking care of her, and of us. I am going to post an excerpt of what I said at her memorial a few weeks ago below: 

Good afternoon. I’m Katrina, Carol’s Granddaughter and her youngest Daughter Barbara’s only child. I am the middle grandchild, and Carol was staying with my family during her final weeks. 

When I was probably about 3, I distinctly remember making the frank observation to my mom, that her mom was little and my dad’s parents were big.  She told me that wasn’t very nice, but I set the record straight right away, clarifying that I meant in their heights. Somehow this got relayed to my Grandma, and through some chain of events I am not able to remember, this became my nickname for her. So she was my little, and I was her little. 

Without my grandma in my life, I would not have such an intense interest in politics, or take a guilty sort of pleasure in tabloid magazines. She fostered my love of reading. She introduced me to amazing movies, both more recent and classic ones alike. She also fostered my fascination with the British Royals, and I watched the recent Royal Wedding on her living room floor. She indulged my make-believe as a child, and always made sure her home was a welcome place for me. Growing up, a visit to Grandma’s meant that the cookie jar in the kitchen was full of chocolate chip cookies (from a package, but still!), there was probably a pot of her vegetable soup on the stove, and some cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster being heated in the oven;

My grandma was generous, sometimes to a fault, she was an incredible listener, and She told really good stories. Throughout the last few weeks in was positively remarkable the impact she had on all the doctors, nurses and staff. They told us over and over that they had never met anyone like her. 

I am so grateful for the amazing care of the staff of the Hospice of the Western Reserve. Not only did they take amazing care of Carolyn, respecting her both as a patient, but also as a person, but they also took amazing care of our family. 

I feel so blessed to have had my grandma in my life for as long as I did. To have gotten the opportunity to get to know her, to learn from her, and to love her, is one that I will treasure always. Something that I will always appreciate about her, was her unique ability to touch people, to treat everyone with warmth and dignity (unless they pissed her off, then well, their loss, they could bare the brunt of her snark!). She never treated me like a child, always valuing my opinion. 

I feel lost, like this is all some terrible dream. But I want to say this. Little, if you can hear me. I hope you are happy wherever you are, even if you are separated from us. I hope you and Michael are together, watching Rachel Maddow, drinking some Pepsi and reading together. But who is going to watch Meet Me In St. Louis with me? Who is going to send me articles in the mail from magazine? Who is going to recommend amazing books? Who can I call at midnight, with any question or story? My heart is breaking at losing my grandma, my Little.

Now I would like to close with a poem by David Harkins entitled: She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone,
Or you can smile because she lived,
You can close your eyes and hope that she will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your
back,
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes,
love and go on.

****************************************************

Suffice to say, my summer was not perfect. Its been pretty interesting trying to explain to my friends, teachers and classmates back at Sarah Lawrence... I've gone from saying "okay" "Fine" "eeeeehhhh" "long story" to the most direct "shitty". 

There were some good bits too!!!!! Some really beautiful outings with friends, a really nice mini-vacation with my Dad's side of the family, and getting to spend some really nice quality time with my younger cousin Rachel. Working at The Sweet Spot was a nice refuge, and our family friends were amazing in their support from my Grandma's diagnosis, to Hospice, to her memorial service. 

I am so glad to be back at SLC. (Post directly to follow!!!)