Keeping The Faith

With the rise of all types of social media platforms, there is this desire to sugarcoat our lives, put a vintage styled filter over the nitty gritty of our lives. We look at the people we are 'friends' with on these platforms, like Facebook and we try to compare our own lives. I am guilty of this social media jealously, I don't like being tagged in pictures that I don't think I look good in, I avoid posting about my real feelings, because honesty is a hard pill for some people to swallow. I take part in this sugarcoating of my own life, and berate myself when I look at other peoples representation of their own lives and feel like mine doesn't compare.

The last few weeks have been a blur of getting back into the groove I created for myself. Classes, catching up with people, and redefining what I am doing. I have a wall decal above my bed in my dorm room that reads: Its Not About The Ending, Its About The Story. I like to plan, I make lists and dream about what my life could be like years from now. I want to continue to remind myself to live closer to this moment, to write my story. 

Yesterday I slept in late, didn't actually leave my dorm, and I can't remember why I actually changed out of my pajama's for a couple of hours, the only productive things I accomplished yesterday were washing the dishes (that had been piling up at an alarming rate..) and making myself a little microwave omlet. I finished watching the third season of Game of Thrones, and feel asleep during The Parent Trap...and slept for another two hours. But you know what? So what? If that's what I needed to do yesterday, then thats ok. I called my mom to talk, as I do probably at least twice a day. And it was a really hard conversation, bringing with it some tears. I was feeling lost, drifting through the past week. This time of year is always really hard for me, as it is near the anniversary of the death of my Uncle Michael, who I was very close too. But that wasn't all that was tugging at my heart strings, I am constantly questioning who I am, what I want out of my life, and how I am going to get there. 

So after that chat, I grabbed a snack, and curled up in bed with my laptop, scanning Netflix for something to watch. A documentary seemed like something that might hold my attention. I came across a documentary called Raw Faith about an older female Unitarian Universalist minister named Marilyn Sewell. It follows her during a difficult period of questioning and re-examining what she wants out of her life, and eventually her retirement from ministry. The film does an excellent job of explaining Unitarian Universalism and one woman's journey to find her purpose in life, even if that changes. It is an intimate look at what compels us, what draws us in, what fills us with joy, and what satisfies the need for fulfillment that we inherently have as human beings. 

What ever you believe in, for Sewell it comes in the form of a God, for me its more of a fate or untitled higher power, for some reason this documentary was brought to my attention. It filled a need that I didn't quite understand was reaching out until that moment. I needed reassurance that whatever paths I choose to follow in my life, I will find my way. That comes to us when we least expect it. That we each have something to give. It reminded me that we are the captains of our own ships, we are the writers of our own stories. We each have the power to shape our lives into what we want them to be. 

My Unitarian Universalist faith grounds me. It pulls me back from the spiraling, questioning, anxiousness that life seems to be full of. It reminds me that I am not alone, that there is a commonality to what each of us face in life. Last night, I was reminded once again, of this truth. I've covered my dorm room (and actually my life) with quotes, and inspirational sayings. To some people these might seem hokey, or trite. For me they are grounded reminders of what I am aiming for in my life. 

This film inspired me. I want to make room in my life to be kinder to myself. To be more honest, both with myself and with the people in my life. Honest in words, and in the image of who I am that I reflect. I want to continue to grow, and learn, and keep redefining what I want out of like. Keep redefining who I am, who I want to be, and where I want to go. 

I'm going to keep writing my story, but the honest version of my story, not the filtered version. My ending is no where in sight, so the only thing to do, is to keep going, keep writing, keep discovering. 

I'm attaching some links to the film, and if you have Netlflix check it out, also attaching a link to the UUA website.

http://www.marilynsewell.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marilyn-sewell/unitarian-universalist-theology_b_870528.html

http://www.uua.org/homepage/